I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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