Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
