saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
