My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
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Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize