theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
