So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk is not a location!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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