the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
