i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
