Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
