his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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I just found a bag of teeth...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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