I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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