My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
