Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize