her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
