if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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