dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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