Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
