Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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