CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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