I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I want is dick and wine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
