Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
