you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
