Pappa wants mamma naked
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
