guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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