Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Bring me that man meat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
