Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
