She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
