i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
MIDGETS
????
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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