i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
