Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
