I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
