New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
