well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As shirtless as possible
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
