Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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