what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
