Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
