The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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