No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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