Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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