that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
