Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
