I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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