Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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