I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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