I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize