Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
