made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
