alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
