shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
