so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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