Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
