I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
