just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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