help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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