this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
