my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
