You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
