the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
