i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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