I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
