It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
