That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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