In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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